Saturday, December 18, 2010
Headaches could very well be the most incapacitating ailment of the body for a bitch like me. I am a person that rarely suffers from headaches but when I do, I cannot sustain my being until I get rid of it. I can't eat, sleep, bang, play video games, workout, walk, or read. My life is basically on hold until the goddamn Aleve kicks in. The past 4 days of my life have been completely hazed over by a recurring headache. It begins when I wake up, takes a small break between the hours of 3 and 5 and then it literally "Skull Fucks" me until I eat 4 more Aleve. Today was the first day that this mind numbing cocksucker of a headache loosened its vice on my brain. I forgot what life felt like without a throbbing pain in my goddamn head. Hopefully it will be the last of it and I sure as hell hope none of you have to suffer from the one they call "HEADACHE!"
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
I am color blind. It sucks, but not the way the non color blind person may think. People typically believe that being color blind means that I am unable to see colors. That my friends is not the case, as a matter of fact I see colors just as you or your granddaughter do, the only difference is I have a tough time differentiating between red, green and brown. Christmas time is tough for me, but not as tough as dealing with the interrogation I go through when people find out I'm color blind. This interview process typically entails getting riddled with question about the color of every object in the room. It's really annoying but somehow when people find out about my disability they must exploit it until I begin to sulk. Making a color blind man sulk is like clubbing a kitten with a Louisville Slugger, it's only appropriate in the spring on select Saturdays.
Monday, December 13, 2010
You know the holidays have arrived when you can hear the sound of Christmas music emanating through the speakers, the weather outside has become frightful (even though the fire is so delightful), and most importantly egg nog is readily available at grocers across the nation. The Holidays are a special time of year, a time to be merry and drink (ALOT). I have always loved the Holidays (namely Christmas) and I will continue to love them until Santa brings me coal. Just so you know, I am quite certain Santa is real and no matter what you think he will be coming to town, just as he did last year. Now when it comes to "The Holiday Break" which we students are entitled too, I do not approve of the the terminology "Holiday Break" or "Winter Break." For me it has always been and will always be "Christmas Break." If I were Jewish or whatever you have to be to celebrate Kwanzaa it would be my "Hanukkah Break" or my "Kwanzaa Break." All this political correctness really frosts my Christmas cookies. I understand why people want to be politically correct about the Holidays but fuck off and please get over your own ego. Call your break whatever you want and I will call it whatever I want. If you have problems with my actions I suggest you contact the lawyer I don't have, he's a big shot. OH AND HAPPY CHRISTMAS, HANUKKAH, KWANZAA AND ANYTHING ELSE YOU MAY CELEBRATE! MAY IT BE THE BEST ONE YOU EVER HAD!