Thursday, December 9, 2010

Glasses

Anyone that wears glasses, has a far more difficult life than those who do not wear glasses. The obvious drawback of glasses is that they give off that nerdy vibe. The kind of vibe that says, "I don't get any ass because I read books about things and stuff that you wouldn't care about!" It sucks. The second drawback of glasses is that people now know that your vision is challenged. They can take advantage of you using visual trickery when you are most vulnerable ie. When you remove your glasses temporarily to scratch your tired eyes. You really can't trust anyone in this day and age. However, none of this compares to the humiliation that occurs when someone wants to try your glasses on. If you are like me, and your glasses are as thick as Beyonce's ass, then people always want to try them on. It's annoying and pretty absurd, but unfortunately, these people just cannot fathom that glasses that thick can actually help your fucked up eyes. Of course, after they try them on and they realize that these glasses could only help a blind man whose eyes were burned by chemicals, they have to comment on just how blind you really are. I get it, I'm blind and I'm a piece of shit, but please stop trying on my glasses; I promise you will not be able to see out of them. I'll save us both the trouble and tell you to please FUCK OFF!


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Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Marijuana

Will the world really ever understand why weed is still illegal? First off, marijuana is harvested from our planet earth. Not the law makers planet; ALL OF OUR GODDAMN PLANET, if you don't want any, then don't smoke it. Second, it doesn't need to be altered to get you really high. Unlike other unhealthier drugs like cocaine, ecstasy, meth, or heroin, marijuana does not need to be chemically altered to get the job done. Pull the plant out of the ground, break it up, roll it up, light it up and smoke that shit until your little heart is content. Third, our brains have a receptor specifically designed to absorb THC (The active ingredient in marijuana). If God didn't want us to get high, why would we need that receptor Mr. Lawmaker cocksucker? God knows a little THC never hurt anyone. Finally, people who smoke weed are pretty much harmless. The most destructive thing a stoner will do is stain their shirt with spaghetti sauce. They probably had the munchies so they didn't realize how hot the spaghetti was when they took the first bite. Because it began to burn the roof of their mouth, they proceeded to spit it out; it landed on their shirt, and it left a red stain above the "Famous" logo. The shirt is now used strictly for the gym. Since the dawn of time, weed has never harmed anyone, it has only led to the best conversations, great sex, awesome sleep, delicious meals and some of the best music ever composed. Sit down and ask yourself, what has weed done for you?


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Monday, December 6, 2010

Final Exams

Final exams are the absolute last chance for a student to completely ruin their grade in a class. Professors use these terrible tests of endurance not to demonstrate your knowledge of their material, but simply to piss you off. It all makes complete sense. The entire semester, students ask retarded questions in class, make up stupid excuses why they missed half the classes and force these professors to deal with their individual bullshit. Finals give professors an opportunity to show students who the real boss is. It's completely on their terms, in their territory, and without assistance. In order to do well, a student is forced to muster up all their discipline to waste a minimum of 4 hours studying for, and thinking about each professor and the questions they might ask. It's cruel, it's stupid, everyone hates it; but hey, everyone deserves a sadistic pleasure, even professors. Good luck on your finals and don't stress too much. In 10 years when all of us are millionaires doing drugs off the stomaches of Indian hookers, the final exams you took in the fall semester of 2010 are going to be irrelevant... Always remember that ;) !

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