Friday, July 30, 2010


In case you were wondering, this is a blog. Blogging is an organized structure of thoughts and ideas conveyed to a particular audience. Who this audience may be, I have no clue, but Google analytics tells me that there is one. Idea's are everywhere around us, anything man made was at one point an idea. Blogging (to me) is analyzing these things with a particular attitude. So for instance I think silly bands are stupid (even though I wear one) and thus I have a post about how stupid Silly Bandz are. If your ideas relate to a certain group of people, then the blog will be successful and people will read it. If you are an ass clown and your blog is terrible then people will hate you and your shitty blog, plain and simple. But regardless of how people perceive a blog, it comes down to the fact that each blog is someone's ideas about something. It's an arena where anything goes: opinions, facts, fallacies, douchebaggery and occasionally, utter brilliance. But with all the blogs in the world, all the different opinions and all the noise being created, where does one find the truth? And if there is a truth how will you know when you find it? These questions I don't think will ever be answered universally. The truth is relative from one person to the next and with such a variance of what people "know," the truth is somewhere in the aether. That little rant probably did nothing to help you understand blogs or blogging, but it gives some perspective as to how blogs have changed what we view as fact and opinion. For more insight on this my Jewish Grandmother has decided to chime in...

Wednesday, July 28, 2010


Lewis Black said it best when he said, "Where do you get the massive ego to think that anyone gives a shit what you're doing?" What's funny about that statement is...It's true. Twitter has given us an entitled feeling that everything we do is important. The feedback that "followers" give these ridiculous tweets are what perpetuates this egotistical behavior that what we do is now somehow relevant to everyone else. Now that we've had a Twitter 101 philosophy lesson, let's put it into much simpler verbage. Twitter users are flooding the world with meaningless shit that they have deemed worthy to share with others. However, the masses (which are asses) are eating this shit up like its a Golden Corral Buffet; and thus Twitter has become very, very large. I am a Tweeter myself; not compulsive, but I like to slide in a good tweet or two in hopes that people will follow me. However, I am realistic in the sense that I understand what I post on Twitter is pretty much meaningless to everyone else. So I don't really I expect people to actually read what I say, I put it out there in case your bored and maybe you just want to know what's happening in my mundane life. Tweeting to me is sort of like fishing in uncharted waters, you cast the line and if something bites then great, if not move on and try again. The people who most take this Tweeting thing overboard are celebrities. They actually believe that everyone does give a shit what awesome, great lives they live. Perhaps they are justified in their beliefs and that's why they have 100 gazillion followers. But when it comes down to it, is your life much better now that you know exactly what Chad Ochocinco is doing at this very moment? Maybe it is, maybe it isn't, maybe go fuck yourself. The point is, Twitter really has no affect on our lives, it's merely and illusion of what we're supposedly doing in 140 characters or less. Because once we're done with our Tweet, it's no longer what we're doing, it's what we did.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010


Smoking is bad (unless you are wasted). I have no idea who invented smoking or why, but I never understood the habit. Of course I too have partaken in sucking down a cancer stick or two, but I can honestly say it always left me very unsatisfied. It usually occurred between the hours of 1-6 AM after a night of intense raging and utter shambles, but every time I finished one, my breath tasted like ass, and that's about it. No effect on the mind. No effect on the body. No hallucinations. Just a mouthful of cigarette-ass breath. And please don't get me wrong I'm no anti-smoking cock, I have no problem with people smoking around me; in fact I actually sort of enjoy the smell of cigarettes at a bar (unless its directly in my nostrils). I just don't understand and never will understand why people would want to smoke. In my view it serves no purpose other than an oral fixation and perhaps a desire for the smoker to look douchey. If I were to become a smoker it would be for one reason and one reason only, to get a Voice prosthesis. I don't know about you, but ever since I was a child I wanted to do robot things. I've tried dancing like a robot but then I just look like a r-tard, I've tried dressing like a robot but then I look like a silver r-tard, but if I could sound like a robot it would be good enough for me. The only thing that could get me to that point is...smoking, because after the "Laryngectomy" I could get a nifty new "Mechanical larynx" or as people where I come from say, "Cancer Kazoo." This would be the device to help me reach my robot goals, and the means to that would be Larynx Cancer from smoking them death sticks. To me that is the only reason to smoke and if you disagree then check this out...

Monday, July 26, 2010


The World Cup was this year, and I happen to think it was absolutely fantastic (for the most part). Each game was entertaining (again for the most part) and watching a full game really gave me an appreciation for the goals that were scored and the players who scored them. The World Cup 2010 brought about a nice change in the summer sporting world. But to me, the soccer was secondary to the incredible announcing. The lineup of announcers that ESPN used for the games were by far the best of any sports announcers I can think of in recent history. The way they describe the play as it unfolds, the way they sardonically mock the players who faked their injuries (or fuck up really bad), and the energy level they held throughout all of it was to put it lightly...PERFECT. It's to the point where I believe they could make anything sound absolutely incredible, even our daily lives. Just having these guys follow you around everywhere you went for one day could make things so awesome. I did an experiment with this at The Comezy Zone Tallahassee, see how people reacted to this simple yet brilliant idea.