Thursday, December 2, 2010

Gifts From Grandma

I don't understand why grandparents even bother sending gifts. In the 22 years I have lived I can think of maybe 3 gifts that my grandparents have sent me that I have used more than once. The gifts are so bad it's almost funny; like they purposely find something ridiculous and say, "Well there's no way he can like this...IT'S PERFECT!" For the first twelve years of my life, every year for my birthday and Christmas my grandparents bought me some form of the Greek Orthodox Bible (abridged, unabridged, illustrated, book of proverbs ie. Absurd amounts of religious shit). It was frustrating because had they just sent me the cash that they wasted on all those bibles, they might have received an invite to my wedding someday. Along with the bibles there was always an array of ridiculous clothing. Sweaters that will never get worn, slacks that are literally slacking and shirts that even my dog won't look at. I love my grandparents, and if they happen to be reading this somehow, I have this to say... Please just send me the cash so you don't waste your money. All the gifts you send are terrible (except the cookies) and it's really disappointing to open a box and find the same bible you sent me last year. I hate to put it so bluntly but Jesus Christ, I'm a broke 22 year old in college. The Bible was a good book...THE FIRST 3 TIMES I READ IT. As for the clothes, they have all been donated to Goodwill so someone who likes ugly shit can wear them. Take heed and send me more cookies in place of the terrible gifts you send, or some good old fashioned MONEY....Please and thank you!

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1 comment:

  1. HAHAHAHA. SO FUCKING TRUE.

    When I was 16 my Great Aunt Avis gave me a light pink floorlength nightgown with long puffy sleeves that no one over the age of 3 would wear. The best part is that she left the tag on which informed me that she bought the shitty thing at Kmart on sale for 5$. I would have rather gotten shit in a box for christmas.

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