Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Cuddling

Possibly the most un-manly thing a man can do is cuddle. Cuddling is one of those things you can't avoid if you've ever been in a relationship. The reason is behind it is simple...GIRLS LOVE TO CUDDLE. Once you enter that, "Ready for bed" state of mind (after sex or other things), the cuddle switch will be turned on in her head and point she may even reveal the "Baby voice." This voice is stage one of cuddling. You may hear things like, "Come cuddle" or, "I want to cuddle!" You must never give in to this voice. This is the same voice she uses on her dad to make him buy her things. You are not her dad, so never respond to that voice. When she's realized you ignored her request, two things can happen: 1. She'll get frustrated and try again, or 2. She'll roll over and pretend she's sleeping. If she does number 1, ignore it again until she stops using that goddamn baby voice. She must understand that the baby voice doesn't work with you. Once this is accomplished, cuddling will take a turn for the better and you won't feel like your having sex with a 4 year old. If she pulls a number 2, wait about 15-20 minutes before entering the bed. She'll be acting like she's asleep, so don't worry about waking her up. Crawl up nice and close and start whispering the most ridiculous things you can think of in her ear, for example, "I want to put yogurt all over your face and let my dog lick it off." A comment like this can only make her laugh. It is at this point when you'll be able to tell her never to use the goddamn baby voice again without offending her tender soul. Once the problem of the baby voice is solved, cuddling can be an enjoyable past time. I speak for myself when I say cuddling is a guilty pleasure; I love it, but I hate the fact that I love it. In the end though, more cuddling = more sex. It's like anything in life, you get what you give.


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