Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Vodka

Vodka is a dirty little Russian bastard. One minute it's your best friend and you're happy then all of a sudden your throwing up that wonderful steak dinner you just ate at Shula's. Vodka is a creeper amongst alcoholic beverages. When you're drinking tequila you know that shit is gonna go down. The same applies for whiskey or rum. I excluded gin and Scotch because only old people and Ol' G's drink gin and scotch and I'm pretty sure they're not reading my blog. Vodka somehow hides itself within the mixer and suddenly after three drinks, that vodka orange juice seems like just good ole' fashion OJ. Vodka has used this tomfoolery for centuries to destroy the essence of the drinker's soul (for the evening). It makes you believe that your drink is just that good, then...POW.... your laying in a puddle of your own puke or waking up next to Shrek. They say the Russians had great spies, well I would contend that they also had great distillers because making alcohol from potatoes is pretty fucking genius. What really gets me though are the flavored vodka's. Earlier I was just talking about normal vodka, but when it comes to flavored vodka's they are thrice as dangerous. This is partly due to the fact that the taste of alcohol is now dampened by the delicious essence of fruit and or . I once hated vodka because it made me sick (Aristocrat plastic bottle shit), since then I have grown fond of Mr. Smirnoff, Mr. Goose, Mr. Ketel One, Mr. Ciroc, Mr. Absolut, Mr. Stoli and Mr. Svedka etc. Keep in mind, this post does not apply to shitty vodka typically distinguished by extremely low cost and residing in a plastic bottle. If you're drinking that shit you deserve to be sick; but please don't take your anger out on the good shit just because you're too poor to buy it.

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