Friday, September 10, 2010


So you're driving, it's a lovely day, not a cloud in the sky; perhaps you're even getting some head, getting getting some head; then....BOOM! TRAFFIC! Your day has been dampened and your roll has been slowed, literally. I don't think there is anything I hate more passionately than traffic. Whenever you're trying to get somewhere in a prompt and timely fashion, traffic will probably be there to F#%K you in the ass. I wish it weren't the case, but Murphy and his goddamn law made traffic quite possibly the worst thing in the world. Unless there is a horrible car accident that happens to be blocking all 6 lanes of the road, there's never a good reason for it. In my experience with traffic jams, they are all caused by the first asshole to slow down and gawk. I chose to use the word gawk because it most aptly describes what people are doing, they are not glancing, they are not peaking, they are not looking, they are gawking and consciously slowing the rest of us down, making us late for very important things. If you are a gawker please stop gawking and keep driving. People like you are the reason society is so awful, it is you who caused the great depression, it is you who started all the world wars, and it is unquestionably you who killed Jesus. If gawking did not exist, traffic might possibly be a thing of the past and maybe we could get where we're going with haste and uninterrupted beauty. Until that day, traffic will exist and I will continue to shout horrible, terrible things at any asshole who slows me down on the road.

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