Friday, September 17, 2010

Projectile Vomiting

I would have to say puke is not only the grossest, but also the most entertaining bodily fluid. There's always that one moment right before you puke that hits you at the most random time and the only thought when it hits is, "Shit, this is bad." You panic looking for the nearest "safe zone" to empty the contents of your stomach but you realize there are people all around. You try to hold it until the puke says to you, "HAHA I'm going to ruin yours and someone's night!" At that point you release everything that was once inside you and BOOM...Someone around you is extremely pissed and grossed out at the same time. When you witness someone projectile vomiting it's almost like watching a symphony, it starts slow and quiet but in the end there's a grand finale that is oh so grande but yet oh so horribly disgusting. When you happen to be the one projectile vomiting, your body acts as a volcano does, you feel the contents of your stomach building up pressure, the hot magma pushing its way to the surface, and once it finds a break in the surface (your open mouth), it EXPLODES out of your mouth with extreme force. The one thing you have to hope for is that no one is standing close to you. This holds true especially if you're poor, because if they are near you at the point of this grande eruption, then you owe them a new shirt 100% of the time. I can't say that I remember the last time I projectile vomited, but I seent it last night and so I was naturally, forced to write about it. An unfortunate girl was puked upon and I'm quite certain her $400 Dior dress was ruined. I truly do feel bad for her, whoever she was, but I feel a lot worse for her father who I'm sure bought it. Little did he know when he was making his princess happy by purchasing such a lovely dress, that one day it would fall victim to her wasted friends PROJECTILE VOMIT.

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