Friday, September 3, 2010

Dogs

Dogs are cute, need I say more? I guess I should. No matter where you go in a day, no matter how long, the happiest person in the world to see you upon your return is that beloved furry little fucker. Dogs truly are mans best friend, until they shit all over the house. But how can you blame them? Without opposable thumbs they can neither flush the toilet, nor open the door to let themselves out. I will say this however, any dog that weighs less than 15 pounds is a rat. I don't care if you think it's the most adorable thing on the planet because it can fit in your Louis Vouitton purse, the creature is a rat. Those dogs are worthless and should immediately be considered rodents or pests. When you own a dog, you should never have to worry about breaking it from picking it up too fast. Now you may be thinking to yourself, "Stotle, why do you hate small dogs so much?" To be completely honest I can't answer that question, I can only say they think they're dogs when really they are an inferior species and are a complete waste of space. But enough about small dogs, I'm getting a wee bit heated. "Normal size dogs" are basically the perfect animal; loyal, obedient, intelligent, curious and did i mention cute? The only thing that would make dogs better is if they could talk, and by talk I mean hold my attention in an engaging conversation about the interests we mutually share. That will be a fantastic day, when the canine species evolves and is able to effectively communicate with humans. Hell at that point they may even pick up some human habits. Check out this preview to a show that will be coming to ABC Family this Fall...


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